Blooming Season Family,
Do you have a habit or a lesson that's been challenging to apply to your life? I know that can be frustrating because I've got a few things.
Some lessons are easier than others. For example: In 2017, I felt my body rejecting chicken and all other types of meat as well as cheese. In 2018, I started a pescatarian diet and I've never had chicken or any type of meat since. I've had a teeny tiny bit of dairy because it's REALLY hard to avoid dairy completely but it's rare when I slip up on this because my body does NOT receive it well - It's a lesson learned and strictly applied in my life.
I'm going to tell you one of the lessons that has taking me a while to apply to my life consistently.
The Lesson: "Your feelings are meant to be felt."
Man, feelings.
I overflow in this department.
It's the part of being human that I am constantly trying to learn how to deal with in a productive and healthy way.
One of my weaknesses is allowing my feelings to boss me around instead of taking charge.
I'll be in charge of them for a month and then I'll let them boss me around for a week because I slacked on my journal therapy, meditations or spiritual practices.
It's one thing to get to know your weaknesses. It's another thing to create strategies and develop tools to use when those weaknesses arise. AND THEN it's another thing to actually implement these tools.
1. Know your weaknesses
2. Create Strategies and tools that help you strength those areas
3. USE them
I mess up when it comes to step three. I know myself enough to know what all of my fabulous weaknesses are so far, I've developed amazing tools and have gathered beneficial knowledge.
But SOMETIMES I ignore the tool box, sit next to it and complain or regret.
I'll paint a real life scenario:
A few days ago, an old toxic thought popped into my head and said, "because of your past, your future is ruined."
I recognized that this thought was toxic and my tools remind me that these kind of thoughts need to be confronted with the truth instead of pity.
So I looked to the right and truth said, "You could turn your past experiences into a triumphant story of success or you can define yourself by them and give up."
And I looked to the left and my feelings said, "but isn't it sad? your past, right? don't you wish it was different?"
AND MY RESPONSE TO MY FEELINGS IS WHERE I MESS UP FREQUENTLY BECAUSE I ALLOW MY EGO TO TRICK ME INTO THINKING THAT I DO NOT NEED TO FEEL SAD ABOUT ANYTHING WHICH IS WRONG. I AM ALLOWED TO MOURN A SITUATION FOR AS LONG AS MY HEART NEEDS TO MOURN BUT I JUST CANNOT ALLOW THE FEELING TO CONTROL ME.
I CAN SAY, "WHY, YES FEELINGS, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, I WISH IT WAS DIFFERENT, I WILL GIVE YOU A MOMENT TO FEEL THAT BUT YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST, YOU CAN ONLY LEARN FROM IT. SO LET'S CRY ABOUT IT FOR A FEW MINUTES TO GET SOME RELEASE AND THEN I NEED YOU TO FOCUS ON THE PRESENT SO WE CAN TURN THIS INTO SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL AND PURPOSEFUL."
some days, I'm the boss.
other days, I'm not.
here's my thought process on a day where I'm being the boss of my feelings:
I have to accept what has already happened, I have to feel all of the feelings that come along with what has already happened and when the feelings arise I have to honor those feelings because they are true and real BUT I have to remember that they do not define me.
- How do I make the difference between the responsibility to feel my feelings but not allowing them to trigger me back into who I was when I first felt those feelings?
- I’ve been irresponsible with my emotions by escaping their totality. I have big feelings. I’m an artist and I feel everything so intensely. I despise that. I hate feeling so much. I hate crying. I hate being moved by the simplest things like the colors that the sunset paints in the sky or an enormous tree or the breeze on my cheek when the temperature is perfect. My soul is so easily moved and I hate it. Because when big things happen, I am overwhelmed with a tsunami size wave of emotions and I run. My God, I run. I scroll through social media, I watch movies, I eat snacks, I daydream. I do everything except face the internal eruption. But just like a volcano, the lava eventually settles, after burning everything in its way and because I closed by eyes to avoid the heat, I open them, only to find out that I’m stuck under pounds of lava. Emotions that I ignored. So then, I have to go back and face them and it takes a long time to get up again. This is a pattern that I have. Escaping.
- How do patterns break? By practicing awareness which is gained by stillness, meditation, prayer and mindfulness. THEN when you become aware the moments when you unconsciously slip into an old pattern, you’re able to challenge that pattern. Awareness is the key and you cannot gain awareness by avoiding.
- Living a lifestyle of awareness is exhausting so it’s important to schedule intentional time to unplug. I just cannot live unplugged because just like a cell phone, when I’m unplugged, I die. Then when I plug in again, I’m overwhelmed with notifications.
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