5 Steps To Redefining Pain

Blooming Season Family! 

I hope you’ve all had a good week, despite of the current challenges and climate of our society. 

I’m grateful that, although the world on the outside is in complete chaos, we can choose to cultivate peace and growth in our inner lives which will hopefully add some light into this world. 

The more we grow, the better our contribution will be to the world that surrounds us. 

So, let’s get into our topic of discussion for this week ladies and gentleman. 

Fasten your seatbelts, get your helmet on and make sure your shoes are tied because we are entering some treacherous grounds. 

This year, has presented my family and I with some life changing challenges. 

My father has been and continues to experience the deterioration of his physical state due to an unattended stoke that he had around late last year. 

My brother has been battling schizophrenia, bi polar disorder and depression. 

There is an interesting type of pain that comes along with witnessing your loved ones fight for their lives. 

I say that it’s interesting because you have to be strong for them and support them in all of the ways in which you can, while quietly processing your own emotions in the background. 

I have been avoiding this pain by spending a little too much time on my phone, on Netflix and daydreaming. 

A two day break from my phone led me to a clear understanding that I have been addicted to my phone. 

It helped me run far away into other realities that were not my own. 

In between tasks, I would casually pick up my phone, after finishing a task I would casually pick up my phone again, during dinner if I was eating alone, in the bathroom, waiting in line at a grocery store, before bed. 

I was escaping that feeling of pain any chance that I could. 

I would only face it when it was time to journal. 

So, for thirty minutes or for one hour each day, I would comb through my truth and express the unedited way in which I felt. 

Then, I would push my reality to the side and go on with my day as if everything was back to normal. 

As if my journaling had cured both my father and my brother. 

I was not completely accepting my current reality. 

I was only carrying it for a moment and dropping it off into my journal. 

“Okay pain, see you again tomorrow from 7 to 8pm.” 

Journaling definitely helps me tremendously but I learned something new this week. 

I need to do more. 

I need to redefine my pain. 

Pain tells a story. 

Unless I intentionally change the narrative, the pain will continue to make decisions for me and be the driving force behind my behavior. 

Pain’s story says, “This is happening or this happened to me and it hurts. This makes me a victim/prisoner of this situation.” 

As long as pain is telling the story, it will tie you up like a puppet and you will be unconsciously reaching for your phone way too many times throughout the day to distract yourself. 

How can we change the story? 

First, let me give you an example : 

When a child goes to the pediatrician to get some shots, they are terrified, scared and anticipating the unknown pain.  

When the needle is piercing through their skin, they shout out and cry but then the doctor redefines their pain.  

All of a sudden the child has a colorful bandaid on their arm, a few stickers to chose from and some sweet candy. 

Then, a smile appears in the midst of the tears because now the pain has been redefined. 

Now, this pain has purpose. 

Now, this pain produced something wonderful that they did not have before. 

Did the pain go away? 

No. 

It still stings. 

But the child feels good inside knowing that they were brave enough to make it through that moment and it is now over. (The stickers and the candy definitely add a nice touch.) 

Here are my 5 Steps To Redefining Pain :

1. Identify the situation that is causing you pain. Write it down. 
2. Identify where you are in the process of acceptance : 

• denial
• anger 
• depression
• bargaining 
• acceptance

3. Limit your distractions. In order to maintain a healthy perspective in regards to the pain in your life, you’ve got to be consciously aware of what you are feeling. Distractions get in the way of facing our truth. Set aside one hour for social media instead of checking it 50 times throughout the day or set aside one night of the week to watch Netflix instead of watching 3 hours worth of shows each night. Then, you’ll have time to guide your thoughts and emotions rather than having them triple in size while you distract yourself. 
4. Make a definitive choice : Will I allow this destroy me? Or will I use this as fuel? (Say it out loud every morning. Words have power! “My current hardship and pain will not destroy me. I will use it instead of it using me.”) 
5. Remember that redefining your pain and adding healthy perspective DOES NOT mean that it will not hurt anymore. (Just like the child who received a shot. It will sting for while but you will not be destroyed.) 

That’s all I got for this week my friends. 

I don’t know what your life looks like in this season but if you’re feeling any kind of pain, just know that it doesn’t have to define you or keep you from doing great things. 

I’m learning and sharing as I go, I do not have it all figured out but I am taking this journey one day at a time. 

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” - Matthew 6:34

The great news is that we are growing and these are growing pains. 

More good news : We are capable of thriving in every season. Pain cannot stop us, we have each other and we have God on our side cheering us on towards the finish line. 

We got this!