The Unraveling

Being a human being is chaotic. 

The greatest part, as well as the most horrifying part of this journey on earth, in my opinion, is the unraveling of one self. 

As we grow older we accumulate layers that do not belong to us. Certain fears, bad habits, trauma, etc. 

The unraveling is the process of undoing all of those things in order to return to the original version of ourselves. 

We were made to be bold lights in this world but sometimes that shine is occulted by our very own negligence. 

After we decide to care for ourselves consistently, dig deeper into the wells of our subconscious issues and do the work to heal, you would think that the storms of our world would cease immediately, right? 

Nope. 

That, my friends is just the beginning. 

I keep forgetting to remember that this is an ongoing journey until the day of our very last breath. We will be constantly uncovering layers and giving birth to the fullness of our being. 

This past week has felt like a living hell for me. I’ve cried buckets of tears. I had a dream a few nights ago that I was walking in the middle of a street screaming and weeping. 

In the dream, everyone ignored me and I was glad that they did. It was as if they understood the growing pains of being human and they just gave me the space to release what I was feeling. 

I woke up from that dream knowing that my body was communicating to me that I had a few buckets of tears left to release but I was too tired. I asked for a raincheck and released my tears the following day. 

I am unraveling. 

I am shedding parts of myself that I no longer need. 

I’ve gotten used to hiding the wild outgoing parts of my personality out of fear of being judged and that part of myself has been screaming so loud lately that my ears are on the verge of bleeding. 

After some writing in my journal I made a new discovery. 

I am an introvert in regards to the way in which I charge and gather my energy but after I’ve gathered my energy while being alone and quiet in my little corner? I AM WILD AND I HAVE TO RELEASE THAT ENERGY OR ELSE THAT SAME ENERGY BEGINS TO RAGE WITHIN ME CAUSING ME TO BE SAD OR ANGRY OR DEPRESSED. 

Have you ever thought about how you charge? Do you gain more energy/inspiration by spending time alone or by being surround by other people? 

One of my favorite humans, Reverend TD Jakes, says that he charges by being around others. He says that he could preach all day long without getting tired if he could. 

I’m the opposite. I charge alone. I could live on an island by myself and be the happiest person on the planet BUT THEN all of that energy needs to be released. 

I need to dance, perform, put on a show, make people laugh, write, sing and share that energy with my fellow humans or else it feels like something literally dies within me. It is a horrid feeling and that is what I have been feeling this week. 

Due to quarantine, I’ve been spending even more time alone than I usually do so I have been collecting an insane amount of energy.

I was suppressing some out of the box ideas that have been surging within my mind and in return, a feeling of heaviness settled within my spirit. 

As if my spirit was saying, “STOP IGNORING ME. LET ME OUT. NOW! ” 

I held it down as long as I could out of fear of being judged for my wild energy but the sadness that came, as a result, is too much to bear. 

I am unraveling. 

Undoing the shame of being exactly who I am.

Which is, sometimes, loud, all over the place, funny and wild. 

Is there anything within you that is desperate for you to release? Is there anything that you have been suppressing? Are there any ideas that you have been ignoring? 

The longer you neglect your inner voice, the louder it will become, until the sound becomes so unbelievably unbearable, leaving you no choice but to listen and do exactly what it says. 

The unraveling, is when all of the other voices go silent and you begin to hear the clear voice of the spirit within you from God Himself. That voice that leads you into boldness that you wouldn’t dare enter into on your own. 

I am unraveling. 

Undoing the fear that is left inside of me. I thought I got rid of all of it but there are levels to this fear business and until the day I die I will be entering into new levels of freedom. 

That process will hurt sometimes because I won’t always feel ready to jump. I won’t always see my next step when I feel the call to move forward but these are the thrills of the living, the process of growing wings after the jump and not before. 

Do you feel called to step outside of the box? To do something different? Are you protecting the picture that other people have of you in their minds by remaining the same? 

Are you trying to resist the unraveling? 

Let it happen. 

Go there, into the deep and look around. 

What is left to be healed? What childhood trauma is your adult self still struggling with? 

Go there. 

Cry the tears and feel the feelings and present yourself to your maker just the way you are. 

The unraveling is followed by a version of you that is much closer to the original vision that God created you to be. That’s one of the main reasons why we’re here! To become the fullness of our being. 

We need each other in our most original state. We need each others gifts and talents. We need each others light. 

So, unravel my friends. 

Go deeper. 

Do what you were called to do, at the level in which you were called to do it and do not settle within your comfort zones. 

There is more of yourself to discover and share with the world. 

Unravel. 

Here is a link to the song where the quote above is from. https://youtu.be/BNAkXnBA1UI

It is called, "Unraveling" by Cory Asbury. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. 

Have a great weekend friends :)