Reframing The Way I Was Raised

The best definition for the word reframing that I’ve heard is - redefining a problem as a challenge.

When we reframe something in our lives we are basically shifting our perspective of it in order for that thing to serve us rather than hold us back. 

I love that so much because just by reading that, I immediately feel free from some of the unconscious baggage/energy that was transferred to me as a child. 

We are raised by human beings that are ALSO trying to find their way through their own baggage, passed down from THEIR PARENTS.  

As a child you are being led by example and it’s important to come to terms with the example that you had.

Awareness 

I wanted to write about this because I’m in the process of building my own way of thinking, my own work ethic and ways to effectively deal with the pressures of life.

I am reframing my upbringing. 

The awareness of this, for me, came from observing the defects in my personality, my internal dialogue and my repetitive actions in the face of pressure. 

Some of my observations : 

• I acted shy and quiet even though I had a desire to be outgoing and expressive.
• I had a weak work ethic. I did the bare minimum. 
• I was not attempting new challenges although I had a desire to explore my potential. 

This is when journaling comes in handy.   

I began to ask myself why and I realized that I was still conducting my life under the framework that I was raised in. 

My parents did not act shy around me and they always had jobs. I am not dragging them in this post LOL They are awesome humans! 

What I’m trying to explain is, all of their unresolved trauma converted into ENERGY that was transferred over to me as a child.

Does that make sense? 

Although I had never seen them behaving in a shy manner, they were battling fear internally and their battle became my frame. 

Although they had always worked very hard at their jobs, they were battling an internal desire to realize their dreams and that battle became my frame. 

And so on. 

Children not only assimilate what they see, they soak up the energy surrounding them as well and they sense the truth behind any forced smile or situation.  

Letting go

In order to reframe the way you were raised, you need to let go of the old frames. You can keep what has been beneficial to your life but let go of the rest. 

Realize that you are actually meant to formulate your own frames. 

When I say “frame” I mean structure, form, system. 

The only way to successfully let go of old systematic ways of thinking/reacting is to face them. Stop ignoring them. Write down everything you would like to improve upon and where you believe it came from. 

Then, take the responsibility into your own two hands. Say it out loud : 

I am responsible for creating my own systems. 

I am capable of creating my own systems.

I am willing to put in the work to create my own systems. 

The Work

This is the painful part. It’s like you’re fighting against your instincts. Creating change in general will never be easy so you have to start small. 

I started with exercise. 

The challenge I set for myself was to wake up early to workout for at least 45 minutes for 6 days a week. If I could manage to move this sack of flesh and bones? I could do ANYTHING! 

It wasn’t about being skinny, it was about sculpting my mind and healing my will power. 

Exercising helped me improve my work ethic tremendously because when a task in my life started to get difficult, I knew that I could not give up. 

The same way you gain muscles after you push through a hard workout, that is the same thing that happens in your mind when you hang on during tough times. 

You gain resistance. 

This is reframing an old system for me. 

Instead of giving up and justifying my actions by saying that what I am trying to do is too difficult? Instead of battling with internal negative dialogue? Instead of being intimidated by this challenge? 

I declare positive affirmations out loud, even if it’s through painful tears caused by growing pains. 

Regardless of the way you were raised you CAN initiate change within yourself. You are allowed to disagree with the frames that got you to this point. 

Anger. Fear. Gratitude 

This has been my process of emotions.

First, I was angry because I felt as though I did not receive what I needed as a child.

Then, I realized that the anger I was feeling was ACTUALLY fear of never becoming what I thought I could be. 

The humans who raised me gave me all that they could, while fighting their own inner battles and struggles. 

I would not be who I am without the systems that they put in place. I would not be writing this blog or even alive if it were not for all that they provided for me. 

It was not perfect but nothing on this earth is perfect. 

Now, I’m practicing gratitude for my upbringing and realizing that I have an incredible opportunity to grow and to break the cycle of transferring subconscious trauma to the next generation. 

Another cool thing is that the more I heal, the more everyone around me will desire healing. That kind of energy transfers as well. 

You can 

How dare we expect a wonderful, fruitful and blessed life without also expecting challenges? Life was never supposed to be easy. Who told us that GIGANTIC lie? 

If you’re reading this and desire to make a permanent change in your current lifestyle? 

If you're reading this and want to change your negative internal dialogue? 

You can. 

Where there's a will, there's a way my friends. 

Seek strength from the Most High. These things are better when you’re running the race with supernatural help from God Himself. 

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for reading. 

Don’t forget to share with your friends. 

Let’s grow! It’s Blooming Season!